Do you struggle with finding happiness?
I know that I struggled with this for many years. I would wear this smile and act as if life was easy and that I was in a good place.
Good mentally, good emotionally, good spiritually. You know, all the things…
Many of us aren’t.
But we all can agree that life isn’t easy, either.
We all struggle at times. Some more than others.
And many of us pretend.
Curve balls get thrown at all of us. We experience things we consider to be unfair at times and we may blame our past or how we grew up for our problems now.
We may even blame other people for our unhappiness.
I definitely delved into some of these ideals for many, many years, unfortunately.
A Place Called Happiness
My place of unhappiness
My belief was that because my father left when I was a baby that I wasn’t enough. I carried that for a long time. Maybe even sabotaging relationships because of that belief.
I put myself into tricky situations as a test to myself. Examining my reaction and searching to see if I had the ability to escape them.
Indulging in the excess, ignoring my truth and pretending my dreams were unattainable.
Yep this was me.
For way too long.
It would come and go in waves. That feeling of unhappiness.
And finally I got to ‘a place called happiness‘ or so I thought, and it was nice for a bit, but then my mother got sick and shortly after her diagnosis I had a personal loss. I began to question everything around me. I would question the loyalty of those in my world and almost like a domino effect my world came crashing down.
Maybe I hit rock bottom. That could very well be. I continued to live in a state of denial. Denial about my truth and how my mother’s sickness and my loss was really affecting me. All I wanted to do was distract myself from the real pain I was feeling.
Because I didn’t want to feel it.
While I could see the positive perspective, I wasn’t actually living in that head space. That’s the difference.
And that carried me through some years…utter and pure denial.
Then I lost a son and some time after that we lost my mother. With that, it was as if a complete tidal wave took me along the current in such an explosive way. All of that denial, that pain, and all those buried truths came flooding to the surface, suffocating me.
Finally, I could see clear. I could see my life as it was, as if I had blinders on before then. I was awakened to everything I had buried for soooo many years. My spirit woke up!
In letting all that pain boil over, I woke up!
And it all became too real. That is where my soul-searching began.
But with that, came the conclusion of how I was living all of those years with all of that pretending, the ignoring, the blaming, the dislike towards myself, the excuses…
And coming to terms with myself, that it was all just shit.
It’s within you
Life is just worth so much more.
We have so much more power!
It is almost unbelievable, that we as humans get to experience the things we can.
We have the ability to achieve amazing things!
That is REAL life right there.
All of that living in the past, blaming the mistakes of my father, giving disbelief all the power, not listening to my inner voice, not forgiving and loving myself is ALL of what kept me from real happiness.
I am the only one that kept myself from being happy. Me, myself, and I. No one else has that power.
YOU are in charge of your life and how YOU choose to live it. Nobody else. YOU can seek deep down within yourself and find that light.
There is a spark there that will take you to the top.
So change it
We all have a choice. Wouldn’t you say?
When we find a positive mentality and stay in that space, no matter what life throws at us. We are unstoppable.
Related: My Negativity Cleanse Experience
Filling our hearts with gratitude for the people we love, the things we have and the experiences we get to live will not fail you.
It will lift you up. This will attract happiness to you.
It may not happen overnight. But with practice and with habit, letting all that negativity go is within reach.
Today is always the best time to do anything
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